End Credits

(Please enjoy the awkward pictures at the beginning and end of this entry, where I look like a way too happy child. Photo cred. goes to my dad, the professional.)

I've been thinking recently about how to close this out, and here's what I'm coming up with. (I promise not to make this sappy): When I was thirteen in the sixth, Hillary Clinton was running for president. I saw her up on numerous stages with people reaching out their hands to her and kept thinking to myself, then repeatedly, persistently vocalized after her loss, "I want to do what she does." Foolish, I was having not gone to high school yet. It was at that time that the rug was pulled out from under me. I realized that I am painfully shy and awkward in any social setting. On top of this, I do not like being confrontational. To this day, I'm still trying to stitch that rug back up, and maintain what remains of my intuition.

In my Freshman year of high school (last year), it's not that I hated it. There was just a lot I failed to understand about the world, about myself. Movies have since been an important part of my life in terms of entertainment. They act as an escape and thank god Meryl has so many. Even so, believe me, there is no perfect person. I include myself here; I'm the furthest thing from it. But, there's a certain comfort in Meryl. Nobody has all the answers, but when you've got 66 characters and personas from all different life paths under your belt, it makes you the next best thing.

When I first started this "adventure," if you can even call it that, I watched movies and films just for that reason; so that I wouldn't be so panicked about myself and the social errors I had made that week, or even that day, in school. But eventually, I began to learn to interpret scenes from Meryl's movies and apply them to my own life, I suppose. I am happy to report that a year later, I do not stutter nearly as much as I did a year ago when it was a challenge to spit my own name out to substitute teachers or baristas.

Do not let any of this fool you. I know that I am no actress. I fully understand, accept, and support that statement. But, behind every actress is a story. I wouldn't mind being the one to write a few of those. You see, I like the idea of how when you write something, it doesn't have to be real life, but events from your own life help inspire what you write, as they have with me. I like the whole idea of making something that does not really seem relatable enough to the point where it could be real; being able to explain what we cannot explain in our own daily lives. I'll be lucky to have a career doing that.

I like to think I've gotten some practice through this creative endeavor. For example, something I've noticed is how movie scripts seem to be changing from what they were fifty years ago. Hear me out: In a 70's movie, there is not plenty of dialogue, obviously because they have to speak in secrecy often to explain the then-popular news headline stories such as Watergate or WWII aftermath, the sets carried most of the story. Nowadays, some movies take place all in a college dorm. I'm sure somebody will make a movie about lockdown in quarantine, so the dialogue has to be good because the set won't change much.

Blogging, in general, has been a good outlet source/mental exercise for me because it gave me my first genuine deadline with immediate feedback. (Unlike my books where I hide away in my treehouse for a summer, not knowing what people will think of it until December when I finally finish it.) Blogging, specifically about movies, gave me a deeper understanding of them, and helped me appreciate the work that goes into them even more.

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Anyway, I have probably gotten in over my head by now. The point of all this is that this has only been a one-year-long (approximately) part of my life. It's one that I've likely, at times, endangered my relationship with my parents by the amount of Meryl movies I've watched, rented, and then reenacted the next day. But they still love me nonetheless. I also owe my Indianapolis grandparents immense thanks and love for being my biggest fans and reading every single entry of their own free will.

I'm just about done, I promise. But, I want to add that nowadays, I've certainly got some new insecurities with regard to my physicality. When we danced in theater practice this past Tuesday, I got a few of the steps slower than everyone else and mentally cursed even though the director didn't point me out. My partner, who's a close friend and also the sweetest person I know, said, "You're doing a good job. I know you, and you don't think you are, but you are." It was like she read my mind. "I'm only doing good cause you're a great partner," I said. "No," she said, "I'm not moving for you. You're doing that on your own."

My music therapist says that's normal. When you close one chapter of your life, you spill ink all over another. But, that ink is excellent for writing. With all of this having been said, it's now time to end this out.

As always, thank you for the entertainment, Meryl.

And finally, after 66 movies, all I have left to do is quote Miranda Priestly,

"That's All."